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It features The Muppet Show
our special guest, Miss Ruth Buzzi.

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I finally found
a safe way to lose weight.

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I bought a scale that lies.

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Miss Ruth Buzzi.

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Hello everyone, welcome to the show.

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I feel good tonight for two reasons.

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One, Scooter's uncle has extended
the lease for the theatre

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which gives us a place to be.

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And two, our special guest
is Miss Ruth Buzzi,

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something that makes everyone feel good.

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But now, let's get the show going
with some musical chaos.

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Get started, guys.

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Too slow!

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Faster!

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Right!

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Faster!

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What's going on?

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What is going on?

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What is going on?

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Wait a minute.

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-Too fast.
- Fine. Good work.

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-Tell him to relax, man.
- Yes, I will.

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Take it easy, Animal.

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-Hey, Kermit.
-Scooter.

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-Scooter, what is this?
- It's a box.

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I see it's a box,
but who is responsible for it?

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- It's me.
-Scooter!

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What makes you think you can bring
a box backstage?

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- My uncle owns the theater.
-And such a nice box.

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Can I ask you what's in it?

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-Sure, get started.
-What's in it?

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Well, it's a mechanical one
pull cup TV show host.

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-A mechanical pull cup TV show host?
-Right.

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Scooter, it's the dumbest, wildest,

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most idiotic idea you ever had…

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Dear friend.

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Scooter, you're crazy!

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Be careful, frog.
His uncle owns the theater.

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Wait a minute.

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I wish they had
rock in the 40s.

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-Why?
- Then we would be dead by now.

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Don't you understand? You must be strong.
You have to stand on your own two feet.

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- But that's the problem.
- What then?

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I have three legs.

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My love, you are so beautiful.
Have I seen you at the cinema?

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Well, I don't think so.
I very rarely go.

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Don't you feel silly with three legs?

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Sure, but the other one didn't come back
from the dry cleaners.

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do you know
I have a hen to pick with you.

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Too late, I've already eaten it.

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Do you really have three legs?

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Sure. One, two, three.

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Three legs and one broken back.

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Well, I think I'll go
and stretch your legs.

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I'll do it for you.

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Almost time for this handsome frog
to make a new introduction.

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I'll check myself in the mirror.

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Scooter, where did you get this
ridiculous draft cup TV show host?

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- I was a gift from his uncle.
-Welcome to the show.

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With a few exceptions,
are the grades on this program

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strange and bizarre
and cannot be trusted.

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One of these exceptions,
other than myself, of course,

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is the wonderful singing duo
Wayne and Wanda.

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They really practiced this one,
so they will surely make it happen.

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Here they are, Wayne and Wanda,
with "Calm, calm, calm".

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Here's the latest news from the Muppets.

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Atlantic Ocean
has just been kidnapped.

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The ocean's disappearance was first reported

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by lighthouse keeper Murray Patterson.

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He was woken up last night when 500 fish
knocked on his door and asked for water.

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The authorities suspect that the sea
being held captive

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in an apartment somewhere in Newark.

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A ransom demand
has supposedly been received.

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The kidnappers demand
two Christmas Eves every year,

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and a hug from mom every night.

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Ladies and gentlemen, the lady you loved
on Laugh-In and a hundred other shows,

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comedian, actress, singer,
dancing and full of life at parties,

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our guest star, Miss Ruth Buzzi.

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That's my kind of woman.

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You may not know this,
but I am a very sentimental dog.

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I often cry.

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Onions, for example,
always makes me cry.

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Well, Ruth, I thought we were just going to
sit here and ruminate for a while.

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Kermit, I never ruminate.

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-Yes, well...
-No, rumination is not good for you.

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Rumination is terrible. Actually,
every time I see rumination, "Blah!"

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-Yes, well, I...
-You're looking at a body, Kermit,

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who have never ruminated.

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- Well, yes...
- Completely slim.

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El leano, Kermit, my froggy friend.

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Yes. Yes, I can see all that…

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Kermit, I once had a friend
who ruminated so much

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that she looked like a horse,

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and she made up her mind
to hire himself out to pull wagons.

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- Do you understand, Kermit? Pulling carts?
-Yes.

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A little joke.

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I'm totally losing control here.

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Ruth, what I meant
when I said all that,

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what i meant was,
let's talk a little.

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I love to talk, Kermit.
What shall we talk about?

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We all know you hate rumination,
but what do you love?

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Well, I love to eat.

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-But you just said...
-I eat healthy food,

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organic food, dairy products...

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Dairy products. No thanks.

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Dairy products killed my uncle.

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- It's terrible.
- Yes, he was hit by a dairy truck.

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- It's horrible.
-His last words were:

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"Take the cheese off my chest."

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That's terrible, Kermit.

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Well, don't blame me.
I didn't write it.

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- It's a joke.
-Yes, just a joke.

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And there you have the laugh track.

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Speaking of laughter,
Ruth, you really make me tickle.

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- That's how I make everyone laugh.
-How then?

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I tickle them.

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-Fantastic.
-Brilliant.

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That you should care about me.

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Ladies and gentlemen,
here's what you've been waiting for.

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The man with the fur and the jokes,
our very own Fozzie Bear.

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Thank you very much.

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Love you all.

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It will be a great night tonight.

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Yes, somewhere, but not here.

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You can really enjoy yourself.

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Think you're done?

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Hey, come on, guys.

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Hey, a lot of these people want to see me.

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- Well, we want that too.
- Do you want to see me perform?

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No, retire.

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Listen, if you don't like me,
why come here?

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Because you are
one of the best comedians in the business.

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-In the world.
-In the industry world.

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Who is performing on this show?
You or me?

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Well, we get all the laughs.

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This is my performance.

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And you are the biggest stretch
in the industry.

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-You've never been funnier.
-Never.

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Really?

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Thank you, you are a wonderful audience.
Kiss.

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-What did we just do?
-His performance.

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Well, we've never had more fun.

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Right. Now, give us the information
otherwise we can make you talk.

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Yes, sir.
I am WAC Lt. Jane B. Smithers.

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First Battalion, Fifth Army.
Based on the other side of the river.

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We have over 15,000 soldiers,

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heavily armed with 40 tanks
and three combat aircraft.

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Good, thank you very much.

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That was the information we needed. Thanks.

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Be so good. Now, listen.

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We have enough food and ammunition
for three weeks.

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The commander's name is Frank Irving.

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He is a weapons expert
and former account manager

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at an advertising agency in Philadelphia.

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Right. That should be enough. Thanks.

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He is 43 years old and has two children,

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and he drives
a 1963 Dodge station wagon.

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And the pilot who flies plane number one
is Mike Kelly.

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Oh, yes. He went to West Point,
and wears a toupee.

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That's enough! Enough, I say.

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He got three B's and one A in his graduation year.

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And he dated the general's daughter, Maggie.

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- I don't care.
-She had a mole on her left shoulder.

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I warn you.
We can make you stop talking.

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Listen, the co-pilot
is a decoder expert,

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and great gin rummy player.
I mean, really amazing.

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Please don't talk anymore.
Stop. Don't talk.

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Please don't talk.
Stop, please.

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The light of my life, the frog in my arms.

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Finally we are alone.

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At last you are alone, Piggy.

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I'm going on stage
in front of a thousand people.

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But...

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Miserable day for a pig i
his prime to be rejected like that.

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How I long to hear
my beloved whisper sweet passion.

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Hello, sweetie.
Where have you been all my life?

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Kermit?

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Hey, listen, you. Hey, you.

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What if you and me
creating some steamy heat, cuddly bunny?

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Pet bunny? But...

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Yes, listen here.
Let me take you away from all this.

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A blessed marriage.
A frog and a pig.

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We could get jumping baby friezes.

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-Baby curls?
-Sure, let me whisper...

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Let me whisper sweet little words in your ear.

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Sweet little words.

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How dare you say that to a pig!

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Piggy. Piggy, let me explain.

189
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Explain this.

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-Listen, I think you dented him.
- I haven't...

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Oh, well. The frog took off for the fall.

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I hear your son, the hotel,
has become interested in religion.

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Interested is not the word.

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He is seriously thinking of becoming a monastery.

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00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:13,982
Kermit has asked me to introduce
the last appearance this week.

196
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:15,984
So it is with great pleasure...

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00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,737
Excuse me.
Never mind me, Miss Buzzi.

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00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:21,823
I'm just standing here,
checking the content of this program,

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to make sure it is
morally irreproachable.

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OK.

201
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:32,459
It is with great pleasure that I present
Gogolala Jubilee Jugband.

202
00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:35,587
That doesn't sound culturally uplifting.

203
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Send that jar over here.

204
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It's time to raise again
the intellectual level of the program.

205
00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:06,845
-And it really is time.
-Just relax there, Sam.

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00:23:06,928 --> 00:23:08,888
Tonight, our renowned panel of experts will

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00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:11,599
include our special guest,
Miss Gloria Goodbody.

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-Thanks.
- You are very welcome.

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00:23:14,227 --> 00:23:19,107
And tonight we discuss the controversial
the topic: "Is the human body disposable?"

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I assume the discussion question
has something to do with the importance,

211
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or the lack of,
physiological bravery,

212
00:23:26,656 --> 00:23:29,242
in this age of increasing technology

213
00:23:29,325 --> 00:23:32,537
and ever escalating
cybernetic engineering.

214
00:23:33,621 --> 00:23:36,916
It was fantastic.

215
00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:39,294
I didn't get it.

216
00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,880
Now, actually, everyone,

217
00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:47,218
I said I believe
we will talk about physical fitness.

218
00:23:47,302 --> 00:23:49,304
-Physical shape.
- Yes, physical form.

219
00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:52,640
- Well, I'm in shape.
-Let's get physical.

220
00:23:53,641 --> 00:23:56,436
- I'm crazy about physical fitness.
-Really?

221
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:59,230
I tried
all training programs that exist.

222
00:23:59,314 --> 00:24:02,275
-Right now I'm doing yoga.
- Yoga?

223
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,362
- Yes, yoga.
- Isn't that the weird sour milk?

224
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:09,324
No, it's yogurt. This is yoga.

225
00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:11,409
what are you doing

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Doesn't it hurt?

227
00:24:16,456 --> 00:24:18,249
Well, that was the time we had.

228
00:24:19,584 --> 00:24:20,960
What's going on?

229
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:24,673
Are you all right, Miss Goodbody?

230
00:24:25,173 --> 00:24:28,426
Where are you going?
We're going to have a discussion here.

231
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,887
It's nothing.

232
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:34,265
Look at this. This is physical form.
Wing beat.

233
00:24:34,349 --> 00:24:37,936
One, two, three, four.

234
00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:40,814
-Would you like to clarify?
- Do I want to?

235
00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:45,193
The panel seems to be too busy
to continue the discussion.

236
00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:50,407
But stay tuned next week when the topic is
crowd control and riot suppression.

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00:24:53,785 --> 00:24:56,204
- Well done!
-Fantastic.

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00:24:56,955 --> 00:24:59,499
That's all for tonight.
Thanks for watching,

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00:24:59,582 --> 00:25:02,961
and special thanks to our
wonderful guest, Miss Buth Ruzzi.

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00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:06,297
Booth Ruzzi.

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00:25:06,381 --> 00:25:09,926
I knew this evil
the device would break down.

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00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:15,557
A machine never could
replace a real frog.

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00:25:16,599 --> 00:25:18,393
- You are a good person, Ruth.
-Thanks.

244
00:25:18,476 --> 00:25:21,730
And I hope we have tickled you
as much as you have tickled us on the show.

245
00:25:21,813 --> 00:25:23,732
- You have, Kermit.
- Right, guys?

246
00:25:23,815 --> 00:25:25,108
- Wedge.
-Not!

247
00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:29,904
Stay tuned next week on
The Muppet Show.

248
00:26:09,944 --> 00:26:14,491
- Well, did you like the show?
- No, I didn't.